Heartless by Marissa Meyer: Cake, Cake, and More Cake

Reading this book made me so hungry. I wanted all of the food. Which made it hard to read. You definitely shouldn’t read this on an empty stomach, because all of her little deserts will have your stomach growling.

So, because I am a listy person, here it is.

(NOTE: There may be spoilers ahead. I did my best to mark them. Read at your own cost.)

  • JEST. Oh my goodness. Yes. All of the yes. I mean, who wouldn’t love this wonderful gift to readerkind? He was marvelous. Honestly, he’s the reason I kept reading through the book. He was all sorts of great. His tricks were fantastic, he was as clever as I’ll get out, and I thought him and Cath were cute. Did I mention he was amazing? Because he is.
  • The fairytale elements were fun. Marissa Meyer has a way with fairytales. She definitely does her research and watching her weave all of these elements together is wonderful. This book doesn’t disappoint on that front.
  • You feel all the feels. But really. I couldn’t help it. She’s a master at getting you to feel things for her characters. And, oh, did I feel. And scream. And cry. And cheered. And possibly threw the book at the wall. It was an emotional rollercoaster.
  • The cover. Take off the dust jacket, I dare you. It’s a wonderful little surprise beneath.

  • Cath. Don’t get me started with Cath. She just drove me nuts. Dare I say she challenges Order of the Phoenix Harry for the whiniest main character. Cath doesn’t get her way? She complains about it in her room. She doesn’t have a backbone to her and people walk all over her? Cath then proceeds to complain in private. If she would have just gained a backbone and stopped complaining about her limitations, so many things could be avoid. Also, she was as selfish as I’ll get out. Everything was always about her. ALWAYS. Instead of being a fatal flaw I could get behind, it just irritated me. To no end. I love Jest, but what he saw in Cath, I’ll never know.
  • Oh wait, Cath is different. There’s no heart in all of Hearts like hers. GOOD. As I mentioned before, she was selfish and endlessly irritating. I would hope no one else in Hearts is like her. Also, stop using the “your different” cliche. Just no.
  • Plot? What plot? Because I didn’t really get a sense of one until the end. And it was weak at best. A lot of the book revolved around avoiding marriage and dreaming (selfishly) about a bakery. Avoid. Bakery. Avoid. Avoid. Bakery. I mean, the first half of this book was painful. It was slow. It was not engaging. And then it felt like “Oh, plot? I need a plot? THROW IN ALL THE ELEMENTS OF A PLOT! Monsters, sisters, and realm travel, oh my.” Yeah, that didn’t work. Like I said before, Jest was the reason I continued to read.
  • The beginning was dreadfully slow. Like I mentioned before, avoid and bakery. I couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t.
  • The ending was supposed to make me feel things, but no. Unless you count anger and screaming. I did feel that. A lot. I just got to this point where I honestly couldn’t handle Cath anymore. She’s an idiot. End of story. (SPOILER: I mean COME ON CATH. The three creepy sisters told you to NOT go through a door. All you had to do was not go through it. You knew Jest would die, you jerk. I blame you for his death. Your reasoning for going through the gates to Hearts was beyond stupid. YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY. JEST COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY. You murderer of happiness. Also, the sudden personality flip at the end? NO.) END OF SPOILER.

So much hope was riding on this book. So many expectations. I tried to not let them get in the way, but it’s just so hard when the Lunar Chronicles are so good.

That being said, it was an interesting retelling. If you don’t mind slower books with a lack of a solid plot, but a totally awesome court joker named Jest, then read this. In fact, it’s not that bad of a read. There is worse out there. It just didn’t meet my maybe too high expectations.

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